| see ya on the flip side |
[24 Mar 2005|07:26pm] |
Alright
so i'm moving on with a new livejournal
because this one is old and stupid
new one still looks the same
but it's gonna be a new start.
THANK YOU to CINDy for coming up with the name
damn i must be stupid cuz i cant figure out how to put a link to it here haha
but dont be lazy
youre just gonna have to go type it in yourself
FancyJunkDrawer
think I'll be making it FRIENDS ONLY
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| back from the last place that i wanted to fake |
[23 Mar 2005|11:27pm] |
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mood |
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 satisfied |
] |
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music |
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you laugh with me, shout scream |
] |
Man... I did a lot today. At least it feels like it.
This morning seems like it was yesterday.
I woke up at 6:45 and got ready really slowly and tried to fix my hair but it was looking crappy. Went to court with Jenny. I had to pay SEVEN dollars for parking! SEVEN! with my own money. So.. there was a looooong line but it went really fast. We went through the medal detectors, took the elevator to the 8th floor and stood in a little line for Jevunile Court. I waited in line with Jenny and the parents of the other kids that looked young and like... BAD. haha
I am always so out of place everywhere I go. Anyway, they finally open the door, I sign a paper and go to a window and they ask Jenny if shes my parent and the lady says "You have to come back with a parent. I'll give you two weeks to come back but it has to be a parent!" Blah.. so we left, took a long dizzy elevator ride down with this other good looking boy who got a marijuana ticket... and he was really cute with his mom and she told him something like "ay, tu y tus chingadas" and he just laughed and hugged her and she smiled. aw it made me want a soft little mom like that.
But anyway
I was kinda dissapointed that I had to pay those SEVEN dollars for just parking. man.. I couldve bought SEVEN items of clothing at JetRag!!
So then we drive home wanting to eat something but everywhere we wanted to go, it was closed cuz it was only 9am. So we went home, ate and watched the Reno911 DVD and we really wanted to go hiking but we got lazy and it was really cold in our apartment. So later on around 12:30, we went to the bedroom and took a two hour nap. Then my aunt came by and we took her to the downtown library. She ate, I drank something and we finally left around 6.
Then we came home, Jenny and I gathered our nickels and dimes and took the metro to Hollywood/Highland and waited in line for Kimmy Kimmel Live.
We got lucky. Only 4 spaces were left and me and Jenny got in luckily.
We sat in the way back but it wasnt that bad since the set is pretty small.
So first theres some entertaining bald guy.. and finally Jimmy comes out, which I dont like and ..eh.. no one can top CONAN!! hehe
So Bernie Mac comes out and he was funny and looked really chubby. Then a girl from the Andy Dick show came and shes pregnant. She was funny too and I liked her before from watching her show. THEN
FINALLY
TEGAN AND SARA came and played two songs. It was exciting.
I had fun even if it was only two songs.
Then we left, bought a day pass for a dollar from this guy and took the metro to Vermont/Sunset. We ate at Quiznos. Then we started walking home but I got lazy and ended up taking the metro.
Now we're home. I'm tired and I'm ready to tape the show cuz of the Tegan and Sara performance.
WOW.. long story.
especially written down like this in a small blog space.
So anyway
I give YOU props if you read this all.
You must love me.
Goodnight
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[19 Mar 2005|11:38pm] |
She tastes of honey
Leaving sweet sweet sweat on his deep deep debt
She’s worth every penny
But she doesn’t want to be
She’s the thick salt on your martini glass
When your lonely and have no class
It’s the time that keeps her blind
And the wine that says “She’s mine”
That’s the way he licks her clues
And the way she spits and chews
It’s the way they mate
And it’s the things they ate
That make the world a better place.
Its like seeing the world coated with sugar glaze.
Drunken by flowers
Loving every hour
And leaving sour scents
That make them wanna shower.
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| shes waiting at your doorway but all she does is waste your time |
[17 Mar 2005|05:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 accomplished |
] |
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music |
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Suzanne |
] |
I really always wanna update but I never really have much to say.
Right now though, I feel like writing.
Today was good. Everythings been fine. I got a letter today from my new penpal in Texas. I can't wait to send him everything I've got. I'm a cool penpal! The problem is always the same though... I'm always too lazy to actually go to the post office to see how much I have to pay to send a package. I have to do it this time though.
I'm about to change my layout. I'm bored with this one.
So, Cindy has been telling me stories about her crazy situation.. . I'm really glad you see the humor in it, Cindy because it's too lame to be taken seriously.
Hm.. I though I had so much more to write but I guess I don't.
I'm letting my hair grow out...I'm not gonna cut it anymore. Tomorrow is friday!! I'm sorta glad I suppose. Then we have a week off and thats always good. I need a break from waking up early.
Wednesday I have to go to court for that ticket I got. My sister is coming as my parent. I hope they don't say anything. Then later, were gonna be off to Jimmy Kimmel live to see Tegan and Sara. I'm really excited.
Hm... what else...
I guess thats all. I'll try to think of more stuff later.
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| fallin for the boys with the girls |
[07 Mar 2005|10:07pm] |
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mood |
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optimistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the warm inventions |
] |
Full Full branches with exquisite fruits
Tangled above us like our bodies
You slip into, up, and around it
Playing like a little boy
I watch and giggle and play with some toys
Now we walk to city streets
You protect me from a nasty screech
Of monsters honking and yelling
Something at me
I only can wish to go back to
That tree
With the fruitful gleam
And our flashing teeth
Of our musical laugh
In pleasing harmony
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[03 Mar 2005|10:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 awake |
] |
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music |
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insects tapping beats |
] |
I shove people out of the way to get NO attention and hide in the shadows of the idiots that I'm around every single day. I'm gonna steal the show, though, yo. I'm gonna get the mike and push you off stage because I'm sure I hate you. I'm gonna sing my love and hate songs, my nonsense and my accurate beliefs. You won't even hear my words or voice though. You'll be too busy looking at the weird clothes I have on, layered on lightly. And my glitter will flash you and hopefully kill. You'll watch me dance and jump to the beats of that man's tappin' feet and say "Is that really her? Wow, she changed, yo"
I'll laugh and hiss and spit in your mouth because I have never liked you, I'm sure. I'll pick an untouchable fight with you and leave you angry. I'll form a tight fist and swing at you but won't even touch you because you're not worth it. No one really is. Only I'm worth my time. I tease and hate cheese and laugh at my unseen past because I was everything I hate now. I flash these and don't show teeth unless I'm trying to impress that Empress down the hall in my walls of those stalls in the city trashy mall. I cut my own hair and leave it messy and tangled and completely uneven. Don't care cuz I don't wear everyones thoughts on me to the point I'll cry because I'm better than that and I'm smarter and taller and glader.
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| Lose Me On The Way |
[01 Mar 2005|10:24pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Feeling of Gaze |
] |
I dont know what to do anymore
I'm done
POKE ME WITH A FORK I'M DONE
I'm was getting ready for school this morning. it only takes me 20 minutes to do so since my hair is too short to do anything with and it always looks messy but I manage to pull it off.
My dad tells me "Amber, what happened? You used to have long hair and you used to have it so nice. Why did you ruin it? Why do you always cut it shorter and shorter?"
So I wander around in the mornings, listening to something softly and come on here to see if anyone leaves me some lovin' but no. Nothing.
I get all mellow, sit on my bed, waiting for it to be time to leave and I stare at my decorated wall and the random numbers I have written down.
I'm erasing them soon.
And when I'm ready to leave, I wake father up and say bye and hear him say "Aren't you gonna iron that?"
or
"Amber, please, what are you wearing? Why do you like looking poor?"
or
"You're gonna wear that? What about that blue dress..."
He can't stand to see me walk out with my one dollar clothes I love so much
and the way they look on me, loose.
My pants slip off my hips now, I have to keep pulling them up which annoys me. I pin my skirts together beacuse if I don't, they'll fall right off.
For the past two weeks, I've been wearing this black cool little jacket I can zip up now. All my other little black sweaters smell bad. Obviously, my sister wore them.
Today was weird and awkward. I had someone on my mind and it was making me mad. At myself mostly for liking anyone because I miss boys. bleh. i suck.
I'm gonna be helping my neighbor out with his home studies homework cuz he's really slacking off. I couldn't help but notice him stare at my cleavage when he thought I wasn't looking. I felt dumb for wearing the shirt I did and I couldn't do anything about it. Awkwardnessssssss. I think he asked me "out" and I said sure.. not really thinking about it.. and then he says " yeah, maybe we can go to the movies" and in my head.. i was like.. 'what.. wait..huh?' and I just said "No." ahaha I'm so weird.
stop looking down my shirt
sshhhh
You don't love me. You're just high
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| we faint back into sleephood |
[18 Feb 2005|10:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
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sweet sweet sweet to my tubes, yo |
] |
I took my long walk around the neighborhood.
I'm dissapointed that it's not raining anymore and the air isn't even cold.
I was really hot in my jacket when I was walking.
First, I planned on walking towards the LA weekly stand which is right by a bus stop.. I was hoping the bus would come when I got there cuz I would've gotten on it and surprised Judy at her house. But it didn't. There were no LA weeklys but I already have one..
Then I walked past a blinding bright car place.. cars are so ugly.
The car salesman asked me "Hello Miss. Are you looking for a car today?"
I wanted to say "Does is fucken look like it?" but just said "No, I avoid wasting oil as much as possible" and he just stared at me and I kept walking with my hands in my pockets.
Then I looked down a little street and saw my apartment and walked further and further away from it.
I kept singing "Move On" in my head..
let's get up and leave this town.
let's get up and go right now.
that song kinda makes me sad.. because I really do wanna leave.
Tomorrow I'm spending time with my cousin at the Library. I'm gonna try to finish a lot of assignments this three day weekend.
Sunday I'm going again to see Danny.
I'm kinda nervous. He is so awkward. Its ridiculous
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| give me the first taste |
[11 Feb 2005|01:00pm] |
NEW BACKGROUND
i really like it
i took the picture yesterday..its of my tote bag I use and of my skirt.. well part of it
I miss writing here so I will be doing more of this soon.
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| a low reverie |
[10 Feb 2005|06:48pm] |
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mood |
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 uncomfortable |
] |
| [ |
music |
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matt |
] |
a man frustrates me.
I dart into my room,
melt into my bed
and read poems to calm my nerves and
impatience for people.
I stare at my steaming tea
and don't even touch it once.
The smell of it intoxicates me,
bringing me to a slow and concious sleep
The walls around me
shape into never ending scenes
of my extreme dreams
and the floors soften into
transparent desires that always
streamed around inside me.
Voices vibrate the setting
in a swift approach to pacify
my judgements
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| white rooms and paint fumes |
[09 Feb 2005|04:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
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We all gotta hurt some time, and this is it |
] |
My whole apartment reeks of paint. I have a headache because I've been inhaling it for the past four hours.
Today is going pretty mellow. I went to school, came home and I haven't done much. I watched American Beauty and now I think I'm going to watch Ghost World.
I'm listening to Tori Amos at the moment.
say goodbye to a glitter girl
I'm sitting here with big fake eyelashes on. They bug and the only reason I put them on is because I was bored.
Eyelash glue stinks but it reminds me of going to shows. I would always get wiffs of it when I'd just be standing around. haha
Same thing is happening now.
( i don't fit in so why do you want me )
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| wrists wrapped in twine |
[05 Feb 2005|05:56pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
] |
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music |
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if you're goin downtown, take me with you |
] |
I said I'd update more often so I plan on doing so.
I'm not attending LA high anymore. I'm going to Harris Newmark High School. It's a continuation school!
I've been pretty busy with a lot of random stuff.
My head hurts.
Yesterday, Moses and I had the time of our lives! We wandered around the city and wound up somewhere in Pasadena. It looked like we were in Boston or something...
( i took pictures )
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| Let's get up and leave this town |
[29 Jan 2005|02:40pm] |
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mood |
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 rushed |
] |
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music |
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Move On |
] |
The subtle stillness of it all. The ridiculous voices in my head and the madness of the world.
It was all too much. Too much.
The annoying feelings, the lurid, gorgeous, hideous, mundane feelings. It devoured me slowly. So slow I never realized I had died inside.
The discouragements, the malicious words spat at me. Too much. I looked around with my questioning eyes, noticing nothing, but everything at the same time.
Everyone else was just too busy, too busy to notice, notice the real beauty a single human can hold all within their loud crunchy worlds.
Too much. Too much stupidity roamed around, clouding up my mind and blew up every now and then till it drove me insane. Only inside my head though.
No one knew anything and I knew everything. Only if it were true.
The pearly vintage colors of everything around me, it left a fuzzy image printed in me like a silk screened masterpiece. The wings of life itself, broken and fragile. Destroyed by my little messes and idle actions.
I want to be able to say nothing and make you understand every single passionate and extreme idea that flows into me like liquid. Only if you understood, everything would be okay. Okay enough to deal with evenly.
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| to endorse myself is such a thrill |
[28 Jan 2005|11:09am] |
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mood |
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calm |
] |
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music |
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trapped in a box |
] |
I put my head down in class. My eyes were heavy with lost sleep. Everyone speaking their own language. Anything but English I just wanted to walk out and go somewhere… away from people my age, I get restless and impatient and always find myself correcting their English in my head.
When I was sixteen, I went to see The Peak Show perform on the roof top of a parking lot downtown. I took the smelly elevator up three floors. I was alone and wearing summer colors which made me stand out from everyone else with their black and dull clothes. I went into a door that Holland pointed to. The second I stepped in, I saw tall artsy people walking around with drinks at hand.
I roamed around and saw various paintings, sketches, photographs, doodles on graph paper, small amazing sculptors. Most of those things kept me staring for a whole in admiration and amazement. Every corner I’d turn, there was a new room with new creation It was like stepping into completely different worlds in each room . There was a different ambience in each, different lighting and I tasted the artist’s feelings and boredom or creativity. When I found my way out, I walked in a dreamy daze like I had just fallen in love.
The sun was panting through the burning day and I sat on a stump and waiting for Holland and the others to set up. When they started performing, I remember watching them, being so thankful. They were always a breath of fresh air. On my drive home, I couldn’t get all the different canvases I’d seen out of my head and Holland’s voice kept flooding back into me. The subtle smooth screaming. Her voice must have echoed through the dirty downtown streets in between the tall buildings and trees. I almost cried. I hadn’t said a word the whole way home and when I came inside, I laid in my bed and let the evening sink in.
After that, I went to more great worlds in L.A. and met a lot of people, artists, writers, photographers. I had tea with people in pasty colored rooms and had long talks about random intense things. Now, that feels like it was a lifetime ago. Now I sit in a classroom, listen to teachers get frustrated at everyone’s ignorance and stupidity. I have to hear the loud piercing voices.
I got used to staying away from people my age. All they talk about are boys, television, music, sex, drugs .. Blah blah blah.
I’m so bored with it.
I think that’s the reason I sleep so much now. I don’t have to think about anyone when I’m dreaming. I go back into the life I used to have.
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| the sweet humming underground |
[18 Dec 2004|09:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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content |
] |
| [ |
music |
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they want you they'll take you and that is for sure |
] |
I wanna sit down and take the time to update.
so here it goes.
Things have been fairly well. School is fine. Life is fine. Boys are finer. ha what?
I'm going to be spending a day this week with Holland before she leaves to New York.
uhhh.. lets see..
I think I've been vegan for about five months now. I've made three people at LA high become vegetarian so far. hehe
yeah . I could write more but I'd rather post pictures for fun.
( a sure type thing )
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[11 Dec 2004|06:17pm] |
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clever clever clever
Hi to all my meat eating friends.
i still love you but...
i dunno
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[05 Dec 2004|04:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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mellow |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Cocoon |
] |
Hello everyone!!
I know I dont update much.
Everything has been extremely well..
I've met pretty amazing people and I'm just happy to know them.
School is fine I suppose. I'm jsut a little bored with it.
I'm in honor roll!!! hahahahhahahahah i seriously started laughing when I heard. The saddest part is...
I dont even try.
Right now I'm at my moms house.
I spent my friday night and saturday morning with Wendy. It was fun.
I'd write more but I've got some homework to do! haha ..look at me..doing homework. hehe
I hope everyone is well.
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[08 Nov 2004|11:38pm] |
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i really dont update much here anymore. ive got my mind on other things.
hm.. yes well i went to monicas party yesterday. i was so happy to see her! but i felt a bit out of place there. but i always do at parties..except for the peak show ones of course. hehe
i spent my friday and saturday with wendy. saturday night was the best night ive had in.......forever.
tomorrow i get out of school at 12:34 yippy!!
i love going to LA high. its all a big joke. its too easy and too funny. i love it.
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